All right, I have been watching movies since I was a little child. Of course that does not mean that I should criticize every absurdity; but it is a die hard fact that some of the movies are really pissing me off as well as you I am sure, considering cliches. I am not just talking about the alien movies, also the `taking place in future` kind of movies, CSI series, action stuff… You know what I am talking about. Most of them are full of bullshit and scenes that make you say, ‘I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS MO-FO!! 0\’. Let’s take a look and tell me about your thoughts.
- Whenever the aliens show up with their incredibly stupid and hi-tech mother ship, they take a look at the humanity and always say that we are a primitive and a violent race which should consider peace and understanding.
I really wonder what YOU have been through to develop your technology and intelligence. Weren’t you once primitive and violent? Were you put there by an intelligent mo-fo with your mother ship and laser firing guns to protect the peace in your planet?? As you can fucking clearly see, we haven’t yet developed crazy mother ships that sail through the galaxy by jumping the hyperspace or doing whatever to get us to your galaxy in three minutes!! This means we are still acting instinct-based and haven’t lost our contact with the nature. What the frak is wrong with that?! Haven’t you heard of natural selection and capitalism?? Sorry if we’re not as intelligent and rational as you, and you know what? if we were, I’m pretty sure that mankind wouldn’t sustain that for a long time. So, please shut the fuck up about us, being too violent and primitive and get back to your super intelligent planet, leaving us alone. We might be primitive, but you guys don’t know anything about love: you are so eager to learn what love is, by observing some sort of a man-woman relationship and become satisfied with it.
I also must state that I am really surprised that you guys have only one language and look exactly the ugly by human standards and the same. And I don’t mean `asian-kind-of-analogy` type. You are all the same. What’s so intelligent about this, anyway??
- If there is a company which developes and provides the badass technologies and weapons to the world, it’s probably American. I have no problem with that, in fact, the greatest companies which hold the power of the humanity itself are mostly American. I appriciate that. Really. Take a look at Microsoft, Apple and Blizzard. Blizzard, dude. It controls most of the nerds aged 16-47 by WoW. Whatever, I was talking about the badass company. This company always has a supercomputer which has infinite intelligence and talks to us like it’s a human being, like it can feel anything. As this supercomputer talks, we usually realize that this supercomputer is irritative, and has a voice of a cutthroat bitch. She talks, and she is fucking annoying. I am sensing some kind of a sexism here. Yes, women do talk, and sometimes can be really irritating, but please consider the fact that men can really be a pain in the ass sometimes. I just want to see a supercomputer that has a cutthroat man-whore voice in a movie. Is that asking for too much??
- SUPERVILLAINS: Super-Intelligent. Most of them has phD and at the end of the movie(or whatever), they will probably tell you what they will do to acquire world domination. Probably they have come up with a super-badass conspiracy idea, but they are still an idiot to tell it at the end of the game(you just lost the game, by the way). I know that they have an IQ of OVER 9000, but still, they can be idiot enough to tell you their world domination plan.
- The climax of the movie is when the main character runs out of ammo which was actually converging to infinity. But of course, when the `hero` runs out of the bullets, he probably will show us his ninja moves that we will never ever accomplish in our lifetimes. He dodges bullets, he kills at least 100 soldiers(which are usually pawns), he is ridiculously awesome. But as long as the movie is as badass as Matrix or Equilibrium or something like that, dodging bullets and killing 100 people in 2 minutes is just preposterous.
- CSI Movies: Can be full of crap. Did you guys know that some of the compound analyzes actually take you more than three minutes? I mean, you actually have go through a lot to determine the amount of oxygen in a water sample. It really seems easy isn’t ‘t? It is not. Experimentally, you have to wait at least 20 days to consume all the oxygen in a water sample. You don;t have much time to do it, so you just reduce it to five days. Still, five days isn’t three minutes. You also can’t just put the compound in a machine and wait for it to tell you which compound it is. You can just be informed about which atoms and atomic bounds(like carbon-carbon single bond or carbon oxygen double bound or something like that) the compound has. If you had taken some organic chemistry or toxicology, you would surely know what I mean.
- One of my greatest concerns is the static. Not the physics, but the static in communications operating systems. I mean, when you’re out in space where nobody can hear you, I’m pretty sure that you must enhance a brilliant technology which can operate even at the worst times. You can travel faster than the speed of light, you can actually build a mothership that has a supercomputer. I am not even telling you about travelling faster than the speed of light because it’s fucking impossible, but man, just make the god damn communications work without interference or static. Especially when you’re in need of being rescued.
- Gravity in a Spaceship: Seriously man, What the fuck?
Dear Producers: As you can clearly see, these impossibilities and absurdities are nothing more than annoying facts causing disaffection to science fiction or whatever the I am talking about. These things are now more than annoying to me, now that I have told everything in my mind. Please be more careful and listen to this nerd’s advice.Thanks.